NaNoWrimo: The Finish Line!

The finish line is just up ahead, and I haven't reached it yet, but I'm about 3,000 words and a good glass of wine away to finishing NaNo - but that doesn't mean the novel is finished.

I might have to stop writing consistently for awhile and start editing every other day, writing every other day once NaNo is over.  Terrance still remains to be finished - and The Unanswerable is no closer to getting done.  At least I will then start making progress on new, and old, books.  Because editing all the time is too hard, and writing all the time makes me want to edit!

However - I do have some awesome, unrelated NaNo news.

To celebrate the whole "Holidays are coming!" thing, I'm going to be doing a big giveaway.  I have quite a few books that have been lying on my shelves - and I feel like they need new homes.  While I love my bookshelf, and I think it's great that I have a nice little library, it makes me sad when books get dusty and never get revisited.

I know it doesn't earn the author any money to give away books myself - but at least I'm spreading the word and the love of the book around.  I wish I could do both, but at least there's love - and giving!


Check back - because the giveaway is coming!

NaNoWriMo: Productive Procrastination

While I am actually standing strong at 29,464 words on day 15, I am still finding small ways to put off writing.  Today's productive procrastination was creating a cover for Where We Collide, which was formerly known as Soul Therapy, my 2011 NaNo project.

Where We Collide is not edited.  It is sitting as a rough draft quietly awaiting the day when I'll come back to edit it.  For some reason, it always motivates me once a book has a cover.  Doesn't really make sense, considering this is a mock cover.  This cover might never exist outside of my computer.  Even so, seeing a mock cover makes me want it.

Even though today was full of procrastination, I just rushed through four chapters worth of outlining for my current NaNo project, Good Criminal Heart.  I even have enough motivation to work on "My Summer Vacation by Terrance Wade" tonight.  Why?  I think the finished novel starts to feel tangible.  That makes me feel like it is closer to being finished, even if it's not.

Other than "wanting to finish" your piece, what motivates you?  Have you tried  making mock covers for your pieces? 

How is your NaNo going?  Are you procrastinating?  Are you getting stuff done?  Are you doing a bit of both?

Cheers to motivation, I hope everyone finds some today!  Especially you WriMos out there, we only have half a month left!

NaNoWriMo

I really have no excuse for why I've been so quiet other than NaNoWriMo.  I don't even think that's a good excuse, but I'm still using it anyway.

We are nine days into NaNo, and I am almost breaking 20k on Good Criminal Heart.  Finally going to see this project come to completion after seven years of sitting on it.

At this point, I am standing on a finished novelette ("My Summer Vacation by Terrance Wade"), a finished novella (The Unanswerable), and three finished novels (RUHE, Where We Collide, and Rioss).   Which means I need some realistic goals for myself in order to get these all published/shopped.

I'm still aiming for "My Summer Vacation..." to be self-published prior to the holiday season. 

The next few months will be busy.  After NaNo, I will get RUHE queried again and work on getting Where We Collide ready for querying.

How is everyone's November going?  Are you participating in NaNo?

Also, side note, if you want to keep up with my NaNo progress, I'm posting Main Character Facts along with word counts on my Google+ Page.

NaNo is Coming!

It's October 1, and as such, I am required to do the obligatory NaNoWriMo post.  Anyone else out there participating?  If so, do you know what you will be working on?  Are you starting something completely new?

I'm still debating between three things. I think I'm in the mentality right now to write Olive's story, but I still really want to finish Anthony. He's been sitting in a box since I was seventeen because I didn't have the drive to rehash it. Though, these two stories would be rewrites. Complete rewrites, mind you. In the last year my writing has improved so much that I really need to clean out all the old writing on these two titles (both written well over two years ago, and then some).

Then there's 2042. Which is supposed to be a Douglas Adams like sci-fi comedy. Thing is, "Terrance Wade" was finished recently (currently rewriting for end of October self-publishing). Which is great, but it has that same comedic feel.  Something tells me I'll want a change of pace.

It's really between these two stories: Olive is intense, raw, emotional, and sometimes hopeless. But her search and struggle to get back what she believes is rightfully hers is powerful and endearing. Anthony's is also intense... raw... emotional and sometimes hopeless (seeing a pattern?) but his story is about finding love for the first time and losing it. But having the strength to find himself in all the mess - to become a better person.

Both of them are very similar, and intensely different. Olive tries to be proper, nice, treat others with respect. Anthony doesn't care who he steps on, or who gets hurt in the process.

Which makes writing each of them taxing. I'm leaning towards Anthony. To finish it, to finally get his story out of my head so it can be done, done, done.

December will bring rewrites to Rioss, as I really - really - need to finish that.

How's your NaNo prep going? Do you have a weigh-in on which character I should choose?

Giveaway Winner & NaNo Reflections

Congratulations goes to:

callmebliss!!

I will be in touch on G+ for your address :)  The winner was chosen by random.org.

Thank you all for participating and following my blog.  I promise now that I am no longer suffering from bronchitis, I will have more time to update.  Like now!

I just finished NaNo.  This was my first attempt and a successful one at that.  It excites me, because my goal is to have three finished manuscripts (not polished, but finished) and three awesome query letters by the New Year.  Once the New Year hits and the agents have had a week or two to sift through their inboxes, I am going to send my query letters.

I have this feeling.  It's a lightness that I haven't felt in a long time.  I think most people call this "optimism," but I'm going to call it "success."  I feel like there is success ahead.  I know life is a roller coast, but I'm going to try to stay at the top as long as I possibly can.

NaNo has given me a nasty habit of wanting to write every night.  I say nasty because I could be spending time with my loving husband.  But in reality, I couldn't be happier with this new habit.  I wrote 1,100 yesterday, and although that is not close to the numbers that I reached during NaNo, it is still something.  It is still writing, and it was by choice.  I don't have a NaNo deadline hanging over my head.  This was my decision.  
I don't think I was this excited about writing and reading since fourth grade.

In fourth grade, I was only excited about it because my teacher had this awesome closet with some pillows in it.  If you finished your work early, like I always did (yes, I was a huge, tiny-faced overachiever), you could sit in there and read quietly.  I always snuck away whenever I could.

It's hard to imagine my bookwormy little self.  I had no self-confidence.  And thinking back on it, I didn't really need it.  My friends were all characters in those books that I read.  I was surrounded by mythical creatures, talking pigs, fake wars, vampire bunnies... you name it.

And when I think about the few human interactions that happened when I was younger, I start to see myself through another set of eyes.  The girl that hiccuped every time she stood in front of the class.  The girl that sat next to the same boy on the bus and never spoke.  The girl that chose to read news articles that dealt with questions and answers on how parents should raise their kids (e.g., if my son/daughter has an obsession with eating worms, what should I do?).  The girl that spent time in a closet and read by choice, by choice.  Yeah, that girl was weird.

And that girl brings you these words today.  There's nothing wrong with being a bookworm, there's nothing wrong with a love of writing.  There's also nothing wrong with a little social interaction every once and awhile.  ;)

NaNoWriMo

I hope everyone had a very happy Thanksgiving.

My head has been swimming in congestion.  I've been fighting off this illness for the past week and a half.  Right before Thanksgiving, I finally got the smallest amount of sleep and my immune system failed.  I officially got a head cold that knocked me flat on my butt.

I don't do well with head colds.  The congestion makes my brain feel like I'm looking at everything through a fog.  I hadn't written in three days, until today.  Today I labeled "50k or bust" day, and with the help of some wonderful people on G+, I was able to finish my NaNo word count.  I imagine I have about 60k more until it is finished (see progress bar "Soul Therapy).  I'm hoping to keep it around 60-70k when it is all said, done, polished, and pretty.

Finally, I have reached two goals.  One novel is finished, NaNoWriMo is "finished."  This means I am very close to being finished with my second novel.  Which means (exclamation point) that I am very close to being done with my third novel (say what?!).  I've decided to attempt to write a novel a month - until I burn out.  Then I will switch to hardcore editing and querying until I find an agent.  I figure if I can finished three this year, then hopefully I can send my manuscripts to a bunch of different agents at once.

Until I burn out, I'll continue writing.  When I burn out, I'll research agents, look at publishing houses, trying to get myself into as many slush piles as possible.  I don't care how long it takes me to get noticed, because I have to make this work.

I am still sick, coughing occasionally and blowing my nose so much that my nostrils are raw.  But I finished my goal.  Now I need to get better, then finish the novel.  As soon as I feel good, I am going to start writing again on a daily basis.  I'm excited about it and looking forward to it.  Every day brings its own challenges, and I'm trying to make all of my challenges into creative ones:  What are my characters going to do today?


One thing is for certain:  Every day is going to be an adventure.

Day 21: Have a Teaser

She clung to her legs and squeezed her eyelids together.  Come on, she said to herself.  Come on, if I can just get back there one more time, I know I can figure it out.  She imagined the field.  She could almost taste the sweet air that had once filled her lungs.  A bird flapped its wings.  She opened her eyes and stared at the graffiti covered door in front of her.

Jess swung her leg out, kicking the toilet paper dispenser.  The force of it reverberated in the walls and sent a shock wave through her leg.  Her nose scrunched as the repugnant smell from the toilets reached her nostrils and nestled there.

Her head spun, the ground fell away from her feet.  She floated on nothing, and the turning of her stomach wouldn’t stop.  Jess hopped down from the toilet and threw the lid open, just in time to retch her stomach bile into the stained toilet.  It only made her gag more, seeing that spill out from inside her.  

-----

Though a part of me is disappointed, I am grateful my manuscript is no longer "hanging in the balance."  I received a solid "No," which means I have more places to submit it to!  I have never received a rejection, other than for short stories, because I've never submitted.  The fact that I had the strength to submit, finally, only gives me more hope for myself as a writer.

And besides, there were only 30 (35?) winners out of 300 - and there are some brilliant, unpublished authors out there.  RUHE may not be the strongest piece of work by me, but it is the first finished piece.  It is coherent, and it does have a decently strong female lead, but it is more of the typical coming of age.  

But I'm very excited for Soul Therapy (again, I still need a new title) because it is less typical, and my main character suffers from huge anxiety - see excerpt above.

I think she touches on something that a lot of people overlook.  Panic disorder is a real thing, something that many people struggle with, myself included.  Granted, I'm not nearly as bad as Jessica is, but I find it hard to control my own emotions.  A surge of fear sweeps over your every cell, the hairs on the back of your neck stretch upwards and you can't explain it, you simply are worried, panicking, over everything.  You think, this is it, this is the end of the world, the end of my life.  Your breath outruns you and your body starts to act like your are drowning on air.

It's heavy, it's frustrating.  And a lot of people don't discuss it.  Hell, a lot of people think that it is "normal" to have some anxiety.  There is a difference between a stressful situation versus being unable to breathe, move, or function because you are shaking so much.

If I had known panic attacks existed when I was younger, I wouldn't have assumed that it was "normal."  I would have realized that there was something different about the way I see the world.  And with that knowledge, I might have handled a lot of things in my teenage years in a very different manner.  Though, I must say, my curling up into a ball underneath the covers with my teeth chattering because I was freezing in 100 degree weather certainly makes for a good character.  Jess is the pinnacle of that:  Someone who is afraid of disappointing anyone with massive anxiety attached.

And I love her, probably a little bit too much, because she is so close to home.  RUHE was the opposite.  I had no knowledge of that girl's life, I had never been in her shoes - I still think her story is interesting, but I didn't have such a connection with her.  Jess is different.  We're kindred, and because of that, I think Soul Therapy will be my stronger piece, and possibly, the first piece I get published.

My Internal NaNo Dialogue

Anyone that is interested in seeing the method behind the madness.  This is literally what I think about while I'm writing, specifically my NaNo project (for which I did go off of an old story, but I completely revamped, rearranged, and changed the whole thing).

Hey - what are you doing here?  I didn't recall giving your character more than two lines originally.  What are you doing in the shop?  Now my main character has to interact with you?  Is it going to be embarrassment or further proof that my MC isn't, in fact, crazy?  Regardless, you are hindering my whole plot by being here, but fine, I'll go with it.  Yay conversations.  Are you don't yet?  Awkwardly shuffle out the door - that's better!  Main plot line, GO!

Okay, so this is actually coming together, it's actually making sense - but that conversation between the two of them seemed a little too heartfelt.  Then again, who am I to say that?  They've been dating in high school puppy love for about a year and a half - so naturally, yes, they are going to be a little heartfelt, right?  Hopefully?  But now what?  They had this awesome conversation that reconnected them, but they aren't supposed to be reconnecting!  If anything, he's supposed to be turning villainous and vapid.  Then again, his concern could grow more now, making him slightly more... protective?  Overbearing protectiveness to the point of driving my MC crazy is now a GO!  Success, gold star, now let's wrap this up so I can get some coffee/tea/wine.

I guess it is good that some things happen that are very unplanned.  It makes for more realistic situations, I think, and keeps me on my toes.  When I feel like things are getting too easy for my MC, something else comes in to make things a little.. different.  Even if they don't change dramatically, it is the little things that make a story come to life.

Day 12 Excerpt

I've been really lame lately and haven't been keeping up with my excerpts like planned.  However, I'm proud to announce that I passed 30k words today, which means my novel is about half way done.  I'm actually insanely proud of what I've been working on.  There was a scene that I wrote today that actually made me cry while I was writing it.  And no, I cannot give you that excerpt because it is too crucial to a turning point in the novel.

However, I can write another conversation that my MC has with Luke.  I won't describe exactly where they are - I'll leave that up to you to decide (and leave that up to you to someday by my finished novel and figure it out for yourself).

---------------

They sat in silence for a moment. "Hey, I have a question for you."

"Shoot," Luke said.

"Do you remember this? When you wake up? I know that my dreams are always fuzzy, but my nightmares are so real."

Luke laughed, "I thought you said I wasn't real."

Jess shrugged, "Even if you aren't, I figured it might be an interesting story."

"No, I don't remember as much as I wish I did. Though, when I came back here, everything was crystal clear. Even before you showed up, I could remember everything, down to the blush that goes across your face when you got angry with me the other day. I mean, it happened again today, so it's not that hard to remember." A twisted smile grew across Luke's face.

Suddenly, Jess felt a pang of guilt from holding Luke’s hand. Even if he wasn’t real, the act felt too real. She let her hand slide from his and ruffled her hair, hoping that he wouldn’t take note. She let out a long breath. “I don’t know how much longer I’ll have.”

Day Six Teaser

Day Six NaNoWriMo:  So far so good.  I'm sitting pretty at 18,363 words, but that could change with the weekdays coming up.  It's a lot harder for me to find time to write when during the week.

Here's a short excerpt from my novel.  I've always wanted to use the first line in this part, I just never thought of a way to fit it in... until now.

“He’s your antagonist,” Henrietta said matter-of-factly.

“This isn’t some stupid movie, this is my life.”

Henrietta shook her head, “No, I meant. He is going to be the catalyst for some change in your life. He has to be, otherwise you two wouldn’t make a connection like that.”

“He’s just some guy in my dream, that’s all.” Jess refused to believe anything more. She couldn’t. That would be a complete test of her faith, a complete reversal of everything she had once believed. It was all too much. Though, it had been nice being able to talk to someone her own age about her anxiety. Someone that could listen without the judgment of God weighing on her shoulders.

“If you are so sure of that, child, why did you come all the way here to ask me about him?” Henrietta peered over her register. She plucked out another box of tea. “Do you still want it?”

Jess sighed. Of course she did, what other choice did she have?

Day Three Teaser

Safely settled at just over 10k words, I would say that this has been a very successful three days.  I completely a few word wars tonight with some good friends on G+.  I must say that G+ has probably changed the face of writing for me forever.  It is still a solitary act that happens entirely within me, but I can challenge myself and boost my creativity by enjoying the conversations with others that are like-minded and competing toward a similar goal.  Not to mention getting and giving advice has never felt so nice.  It's a great community, and I'm very happy to consider myself not only a writer, but a NaNo participant.

With that being said, here's the teaser from earlier today.  It's a dream sequence:

His mouth morphed, skin flicking off of it. His tongue rolled out from inside, and his jaw snapped as it dislocated. Teeth stretched out of his bloodied gums, growing into sharp knives and his eyes turned to blood lust. He growled at Jess and took a step forward, claws growing out of his shoes, his clothes disintegrated as he grew fur and grew twice the size. He took another step and reared back on his legs. Kroags launched himself at Jess, and she could almost hear the tearing of her own flesh over her high pitched scream.

Day Two Teaser

You should all stay tuned to this blog, we're going to have some fun over the next month.  With NaNo happening, I'm going to very proudly post some excerpts, or frustrations (whatever happens to be in my head that day).  Today, you get another small excerpt:


“Yeah, weren’t you?” He took a gulp of coffee, wincing at the heat. “I mean, I’m always fascinated by his sermons, his words.”

“You mean the Bible’s words?” That’s all it was to Jess, just readings. Readings of passages that have already been read hundreds of times before, and warnings to those that decided to stray from the path.

“But he gives them life, you know? It’s in his… I don’t know, just the way he says it. I love it. Greatest pastor ever.” Kevin pecked Jess on the cheek. “I should go help out my mom, you should say hi. She’s running the bake sale today.”

Jess stuck out her tongue. The two things she didn’t want to get roped into, talking to Kevin’s mom or the bake sale. There was something about the way that Mrs. Clifton looked at her that always felt like Jess was being judged. Like that somehow Jess had an unholy spirit, an unholy soul… and that she would somehow corrupt her perfect son. Kevin was far from perfect, but Jess supposed, from a Christian point of view he was very pious.

Teaser Tuesday

NaNoWriMo has kicked off.  I think every Tuesday in November, I will have a small excerpt from my novel, what I have been writing.  I successfully already made it through day one without too many bumps and bruises.  I got up early this morning, at 5:30am.  I made some chai tea and sat down with my AlphaSmart.  I wrote the entire first chapter in one go.

My NaNo novel is a YA Coming-of-Age.  It's a combination of realistic fiction meeting an element of fantasy.  This excerpt is the first few paragraphs of the story.  The working title is Soul Therapy, but that is subject to change.  I haven't decided if that's a "good" enough title for YA.  It feels like it could sit a little bit heavy handed.

            Jessica slumped in her seat.  Her mother gripped the wheel like talons, eyes set dead ahead, unwavering.  Jessica had grown to know that look so well.  It was when her mother got lost in thoughts of her father, how their world had shattered seemingly overnight.  Jessica knew it felt like a lifetime when the divorce happened, but really, he was just gone one day.  Her mother never really could get over that.

            “Okay, well, I’m going to go inside, alright?”  Other students flooded into the high school off of busses.  At least her mother worked so early in the morning that Jessica could get a ride.  “Mom?”  Jessica ran her fingertips over her mother’s knuckles.

            Her mother gave her the sideways glance and that sweet smile, used to cover up anything bad hiding underneath.  “Have fun.”  Her eyes shifted back, out the windshield, unregistering.

            “I’ll try.”  Jessica snatched up her bag and got out of the car.  She closed the door with a bit too much force behind her.  She looked over the high school, Westbury High.  She only had one year left, but she was ready for it to be over.  It felt long overdue, with as much drama that had been building.  She couldn’t really stand to be home anymore, with her mother acting as a shell. 

Gearing Up

Pardon me for not posting more frequently.  I've been neck deep in RUHE revisions (which are going along nicely, but not as fast as I originally hoped).  On top of that, I've been doing some brainstorming and character building for NaNo - and really, really inspecting their past.  I found that with RUHE the characters surrounding my main character were weak.  I knew little to nothing about her history or her decision to stop speaking - simply that she did stop speaking.

So I took to my new mirror of doom.  I scribbled furiously across it.  If you've never tried writing on walls before, I encourage you to do it (somewhere that you can eventually wipe off, of course).  There is something very satisfying about writing until the whole wall (mirror, in my case) is full and then your words are just staring you in the face.  I know, I know, I'm a little crazy, but aren't we all?  And isn't that why we write?  To hide behind the "It's okay, I'm not crazy!  I'm a writer!"

Regardless, I've been scrambling.  I want to polish my manuscript in order to submit it into a contest (November 1st).  I want to finish outlining my NaNo story so I can actually start with a solid basis on November 1st.  And that's that.  I haven't felt this kind of pressure since I left college.  And I suppose that's a good thing, because there's really this fire that's been lit under me.  I needed it, I needed the shove and push back in the right direction.  I mean, heck, I finished RUHE in a week (not polished, but finished the main story arc)!  If I can do that, dedicate a week of my life to being insane once every two months, then maybe I can finally get somewhere. (:  I'm a lot closer to wherever "somewhere" is than I was a month ago.

Soul Therapy: Cover Art

I worked for the last two hours (with the pestering of my cohort, Llora) on creating this cover.  She really wants me to pay attention to her while she works on our mutual craft blog (as can be seen in the above).  However, I am lost in the land of NaNoWriMo, thinking of all the possibilities, everything I want to accomplish before then and within that fateful month of November.  

My main character, Jess, is getting more and more flushed out as I think about this, and as I worked on this not so great and still-in-progress cover art.  But, I never claimed to be a graphic designer (nor do I want to be, that's really Llora's job).  I still have fun messing in Photoshop.

So thoughts so far?  I was thinking about making the eye a little bit bigger as well as making it a little less opaque.  This probably will not be the final design, unless, of course, I decide to self-publish or epublish myself, but I'll cross that bridge later.

It's still nice to have something to look at, something tangible to see staring back at me (literally) and be able to say "Yes, this book, it's going to be done soon."  The small "hopefully" tacks itself onto the end of that sentence, but I think I am more determined than ever.  With the excitement from other WriMos on G+, I'm settling into this quiet kind of appreciation.  I never thought I would find a group of avid writers after leaving Emerson College (at least one that I could connect with on a regular basis).  I feel so fantastic that I think I'm going to treat my body (or kill it) to Del Taco this evening.

The top right is attempt one, the bottom left is attempt two.  Haven't settled on one or the other just yet.

A Daunting Task

For far too long I have been putting off finishing any of my novels.  I think the main fear here is:  What if I write it and fail?  And also, what if I write it and succeed so much so that I have to become reclusive and run away to the woods and never come out because I'll have tiny, impish fans running after me?

But that's not what happens with writers, is it?  I mean, when we become famous, I feel it's a more quiet kind of fame.  When was the last time you saw Stephen King or J.K.Rowling in the tabloids?  Yeah, that's what I thought.  But still, I have fears, most of them completely impractical but they are still there.

So I have decided to force myself into another daunting task - this time something that I can't get out of, mostly because I already signed up.  It's the National Novel Writing Month contest.  Though, it's not really a contest that you win and get published, mind you, but it's a contest where you push yourself all throughout November to start and finish your novel.  You are your only enemy in this seeming insurmountable task.  But when I make promises to myself, I keep them.  I usually say, "I'll try to..." not "I must, I will, I promise myself..."  But this time - I must and I will.

So here it is.  My profile/will-be entry into the November month of novel writing.  Granted I have another month to go to really sign up and etc. but I really am excited about this.  I'm going to take my Soul Therapy book and delete the 600 some-odd words I have now, and re-write it from the start.  I have an outline (because film scripts really are kind of like outlines) and it's still unfinished - the script that is.  I got up to 90 pages (most scripts are about 110-120) and I stopped writing.  Why?  I realized it was a crappy script and would make a much better novel.  So alas, here is my chance to finish it, outline in front of me and a race against the clock.  And gosh darn you clock, I'm going to win.