Saturday, September 24, 2011


For those of you that read the "Can You Hook a Teen" entry, I've created another introductory 250 words - the first entry was (you guys were totally right) more explanation than should be given on the first page.

So here's the new start to the first page:

            She held her hand out in front of me, fingernails neatly polished and manicured, probably only yesterday.  I stared at it, then looked back at my parents.  I let out a long breath and took her hand in mine.
            “I’m Delia,” she said.  “I guess we’re roommates!  I’m so excited, are you?  You must be Sophie, I mean, that’s what it says on the door, right, Sophie?”
            I nodded.  I glanced around the room.  Her side was pink, fluffy, everything that I would have loved just a few months back.  There was even a poster board holding up photos with crossing ribbons.  My side of the room was barren, and not just because we hadn’t put anything on that side, but because I didn’t really want anything.
            My parents had tried to insist, “Why don’t you take any of your stuffed animals?”  My mom held up the unicorn that I had slept with since I was six.  I shook my head.
            “Well, what about some of those nice jackets you used to wear, you liked those, right?”  My dad contributed.  I shook my head to that as well.  The jackets were of my old life, an old letter jacket from an ex-boyfriend, a cheerleader jacket from when school spirit actually mattered.  My denim jacket that I wore the day that my life caved in on itself, the other jackets that became stained through various food items thrown at me throughout the rest of high school.  Yeah, I totally wanted those jackets.  I rolled my eyes internally, but I didn’t want to upset my parents more than they already were. 

Of course this is too late for the official contest - but I would still love feedback, as I want the first chapter to really pull the reader in.  If you have questions about the general story, you can read my contest entry post, since that has more explanation as to what's going on with the main character (woo dust jackets).

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