Writing will never leave me. I know that now, more so than ever before. It is intrinsic in my natural, my being to be able to make words out of what I'm feeling. To put myself in haunting places and scenarios, places I may never even dream of being, but it is where my characters take me.
I used to worry when I didn't write for days on end - that this was it. That was the last thing I would even put down on paper, into words. But more often, now, I find myself ever forming stories - random bits and pieces that I come across throughout the day, ways to keep my brain entertained - and sometimes, on the moped ride home, I create fabulous lyrics, ones that can never be heard again by anyone but myself as I sing softly along with the hum of my motor.
I worry less because this is me, it's what I do. My day job, whatever it may be, will never change the solid fact that I am a writer. When I stop writing, it is my pause, my time to reflect, my moments to gather myself for the tasks ahead. Although, I feel more of a desire to finish my unfinished pieces than ever before, I still don't have the motivation and drive to sit down and produce them. But the desire is there, hungry, gnawing away at my heart valves. One of them will burst someday and a fountain of words will spill out onto the page in a unyielding, passionate rage.
Until then, I will sit down and read my books, watch my television, and be the constant observer of people, facial expressions, conversations that shouldn't be overheard. I am the creep that sits by you at lunch staring into the distance, a long look on her face, and you wonder - is this girl listening to us? Yes, in fact, she hears every single word. When you look away, she studies your face, feels your voice and your words, takes in your essence, only to use it some day, covering the white blank page with your secrets, or words inspired by your secrets. And you'll never think, connect two and two together, that she was there while you were conversing with your co-worker, that you, in fact, inspired her.
I am the quiet observer, and I'm taking my time off from writing to gather new materials, new phrases, new words to stitch together my sentences.
In the past three days, I have read the Young Adult novel FLIP, by Martyn Bedford, and half of Ender's Game. I haven't felt this desire to read since I was much younger. Maybe that's why my characters have been lacking - I haven't kept up myself. I feed off of words formed by others, I am motivated by seeing, devouring finished pieces of work - I see and feel all the possibilities of my own life, my own ideas, just by reading.
FLIP was actually pretty good. The one downfall of most YA Fiction is the lack of intelligence in the characters. I really think we should be challenging young readers - especially if we assume that these readers are high school, maybe middle school level. When I was in ninth grade, I had finished Moby Dick - and at that point in my life, yes, it was the most boring read ever - but looking back, it was a huge challenge. I learned so much from just one challenging book. That's not to say that FLIP is bad, I guess I was just hoping for a more challenging read. And yes, I'm an adult, but I was reading books like this in sixth grade. The concept - awesome, the characters - great, believable. I think it is definitely worth the read, especially if you do have a child, you should get them to pick it up. It is probably one of the more solid YA Fiction novels to come out in awhile.
As for Ender's Game - I am so upset that I didn't read this earlier. I cannot put it down. So many of my friends read it before me and I always wanted to get around to it. But I thought, "Well, I'm not THAT much into Science Fiction, so maybe later." Then I started reading it. Goodness, it is like The Giver meets space, meets some crazy Ayn Rand novel, meets awesomeness. Honestly, if you like Sci-Fi, you need to read it. I found it in the Classics section at the Library (which is, ironically, in the corner, stuffed next to the YA section). I have three more YA books coming my way - and as long as I'm reading, I might not be writing, but I am creating vastly new universes for myself.
If nothing else, I will at least review what I am reading until I feel the urge to write. Once I'm back, I'll come back with a huge vengeance. That's a promise.