tag:blogger.com,1999:blog-7364875405190135045.post5363099881710829553..comments2023-10-09T05:53:04.552-07:00Comments on R.A.Desilets YA Author: Can You Hook a Teen Blogfest Contest EntryR.A.Desiletshttp://www.blogger.com/profile/08440729149601654745noreply@blogger.comBlogger12125tag:blogger.com,1999:blog-7364875405190135045.post-78794967962903328662011-09-24T07:55:15.770-07:002011-09-24T07:55:15.770-07:00I agree with everyone above... this sounds incredi...I agree with everyone above... this sounds incredibly intriguing (you hooked me!) but the voice sounds too old to be a teenager. <br /><br />Good luck with your writing!Juliehttps://www.blogger.com/profile/12401550550652725770noreply@blogger.comtag:blogger.com,1999:blog-7364875405190135045.post-19813357659958018912011-09-22T21:35:44.422-07:002011-09-22T21:35:44.422-07:00I'm def. hooked. I didn't read the charact...I'm def. hooked. I didn't read the character as "older," but then I saw the "Can You Hook a Teen" category. Tanya's comment is a good one--but you could start somewhere *after* she decided to be mute, in a situation that requires most people to talk.Greg Mhttps://www.blogger.com/profile/12476688473774894464noreply@blogger.comtag:blogger.com,1999:blog-7364875405190135045.post-54398088541661516222011-09-22T20:16:43.522-07:002011-09-22T20:16:43.522-07:00Okay, I liked you before, but now that I know you&...Okay, I liked you before, but now that I know you're ALSO writing a story from the POV of someone who doesn't speak... that's just AWESOME!!<br /><br />Since you've basically already addressed the exact things I was going to comment on, I'll just say I'm really interested to read your re-written beginning when it's done :)<br /><br />...and if you ever want to chat 1000th.monkeyhttps://www.blogger.com/profile/16835988128285459745noreply@blogger.comtag:blogger.com,1999:blog-7364875405190135045.post-61767672791534084482011-09-22T14:29:31.284-07:002011-09-22T14:29:31.284-07:00I really like the premise and can see it has a lot...I really like the premise and can see it has a lot of potential but I'd like to see a lot more "show" and less "tell." Rather than starting with her looking back, you might want to start out with the event that causes her to choose to be mute.Tanya Parker Millshttps://www.blogger.com/profile/14604769216009443552noreply@blogger.comtag:blogger.com,1999:blog-7364875405190135045.post-10100955524118406992011-09-22T09:46:26.126-07:002011-09-22T09:46:26.126-07:00Thank you :) I changed a few key words that were ...Thank you :) I changed a few key words that were a little bit "older," but tried to keep it the same length, in accordance to rules :)R.A.Desiletshttps://www.blogger.com/profile/08440729149601654745noreply@blogger.comtag:blogger.com,1999:blog-7364875405190135045.post-91511954263903113002011-09-22T09:19:58.062-07:002011-09-22T09:19:58.062-07:00This is a very interesting premise and I'm int...This is a very interesting premise and I'm intrigued. Your writing flows nicely and is clean. <br /><br />I'm wondering if referring to her ex-boyfriend as "ex" accompanied with the older voicing of retrospection is what's making people think the MC is 30-40.<br /><br />Also, there are just a few places that felt a bit choppy compared to the usual smooth style of your Julie Daineshttps://www.blogger.com/profile/08350205936357263571noreply@blogger.comtag:blogger.com,1999:blog-7364875405190135045.post-37453925036109367342011-09-22T08:10:01.190-07:002011-09-22T08:10:01.190-07:00Jess -
I've done that too, and the stories I ...Jess -<br /><br />I've done that too, and the stories I have from just one day of silence... wow. The things that people said to me in that day, knowing I couldn't talk back - or the people things confided in me, simply because of how introverted I was.<br /><br />Now that I'm reading this over, I honestly think this would make a better dust jacket/teaser than intro to a book - R.A.Desiletshttps://www.blogger.com/profile/08440729149601654745noreply@blogger.comtag:blogger.com,1999:blog-7364875405190135045.post-16886178632274264572011-09-22T07:55:01.796-07:002011-09-22T07:55:01.796-07:00I really like this. It seems like it could be a re...I really like this. It seems like it could be a really interesting story and I wonder what it would be like to watch a girl though life without speaking. I can think of so many crazy and funny things that can happen.Nicole Settlehttps://www.blogger.com/profile/06205918337710478398noreply@blogger.comtag:blogger.com,1999:blog-7364875405190135045.post-85146034985323429362011-09-22T07:53:14.273-07:002011-09-22T07:53:14.273-07:00I agree with the voice note, but you've alread...I agree with the voice note, but you've already covered that in your reply. :)<br /><br />I'm intrigued and curious--I know from doing the Day of Silence for several years that keeping silent for just one day is hard! <br /><br />This is an interesting premise, but as an intro it feels a little info-dumpy to me. You said it's retrospective, but I kind of want to be dumped into the Anonymousnoreply@blogger.comtag:blogger.com,1999:blog-7364875405190135045.post-64994875101215545662011-09-22T07:18:38.522-07:002011-09-22T07:18:38.522-07:00Thank you both - I do feel that the introduction t...Thank you both - I do feel that the introduction to this character struggles with the voice. And I think it's more retrospective. The rest of the novel is more in her head, less reflective on her life that was. It is focused on her Freshman year in college - so I'll probably have to tweak it once I have the flow of the rest of the book to match her voice. Intros have always been so R.A.Desiletshttps://www.blogger.com/profile/08440729149601654745noreply@blogger.comtag:blogger.com,1999:blog-7364875405190135045.post-74635928248415752772011-09-21T21:37:16.777-07:002011-09-21T21:37:16.777-07:00This is an interesting premise. I'm curious ho...This is an interesting premise. I'm curious how long she can keep up not speaking and what is going to happen to her. You might want to tweak the voice a bit to make it sound age appropriate. Great job and good luck with contest! <3Brenda Drakehttps://www.blogger.com/profile/01263237745979525170noreply@blogger.comtag:blogger.com,1999:blog-7364875405190135045.post-41879652563379545402011-09-21T20:08:01.129-07:002011-09-21T20:08:01.129-07:00Hello, RA. I'm doing my rounds, critiquing as...Hello, RA. I'm doing my rounds, critiquing as many other entries as I can before I pass out. <br /><br />This is really interesting. It is definitely thought-provoking.<br /><br />My only criticism, is I am wondering about your voice. The character seems like an extremely mature woman. I was reading a woman in her 30's or 40's, despite what she was saying. I was very surprised Anonymousnoreply@blogger.com